My Traveling Shoes

Done found myself a new pair of travelin' shoes to wear on this leg of my journey. Handmade to fit and suit me just right, supportin' and comfortin' me each step of the way.They are wild and colorful as I chose them to be, they suit my personality.
I've traveled so many miles in shoes that someone else bought for me, plain, poorly fitted, worn, second hand, hand me downs. Ohh, they hurt my feet and took me places that I didn't need to go, places that I didn't want to go. For many years I put them on. I was told it was my duty, but my heart was heavy and my cares so many.
Done found myself a new pair of travelin' shoes to wear on this leg of my journey. Handmade to fit and suit me just right, supportin' and comfortin' me each step of the way.They are wild and colorful as I chose them to be, they suit my personality. I bought these shoes. I own these shoes. They are mine.
by Jeanne leigh...copyrighted...2007


Saturday, August 21, 2010

To Stand in the Moment

Lately I have struggled with “letting go” of situations where I obviously have no control over how someone thinks, feels about or even perceives me or those that I love the most. When there is some kind of upset, I feel a bit of a wound and struggle in wanting to “fix” the situation or make it better in some way. Life’s experience has taught and is teaching me that sometimes its best just to “Let it go.” So what if I’m misunderstood, or disliked or gossiped about or even rejected. I believe God is calling me to stand on my own two feet, be who I truly am…the best that I can be and then trust God that this is enough. It is exhausting living the other way. I know because I did it for many years. These survival skills I learned as the child of an alcoholic...the fixing, rescuing, and becoming a chameleon to please others was all about keeping myself and others safe, accepted and so I thought loved. I know now that often those folks were loving someone else, not the real me that was hiding in fear.
I came up with a saying a few years ago, “I’d rather be hated for who I truly am, then loved for who I truly am not". An acquaintance of mine named Moe told me once, “Moe is not for everyone.” That comment, so simple just shot straight to my heart. So true. “Jeanne is not for everyone.” And that is okay. My strongest desire these days is to live in the moment, to deepen my walk with God, to know myself and be myself and seek to live peace and love in my little corner of the world. This is enough for me.

I want to share this devotion from a book called, RADICAL GRACE: DAILY MEDITATIONS by Richard Rohr. This devotion is titled, THE ‘THIS-NESS’ OF THINGS        

I believe with all my heart that creation is already redemption. That’s good Genesis theology, that’s good Franciscan theology. Already in the act of creation, God has named you. Your “you-ness” is written in the core of your being. The Franciscan philosopher Duns Scotus called the “this-ness” (haecceity, in Latin) of things. He said that God only created individuals, not genus species. God created you as you, in your unique “this-ness.”

Spiritual life is a matter of becoming who you truly are. It’s not becoming Catherine of Siena, or some other saint, but who you are. It sounds easy enough, but being who you truly are is work, courage, and faith.

In some ways religious people are the hardest people to work with--they’re so addicted to judgments that they can’t let reality be. Maybe that’s why Jesus said not to judge. We’ve got a lot to learn from creation spirituality, Native American spirituality and Franciscan spirituality, in terms of letting creation, nature, earth--what is--speak to us. We religious people come on with our predetermined conclusions, Bible quotes and dogmas--all so that we don’t have to receive the moment as it is. For some reason it is easier to hold opinions than to just be aware and awakened.

I love this and I strongly feel this call. To Stand and live in each moment truly as myself seeking to deepen my life with God, myself and others. Living in this moment. For this moment is all we truly have. PEACE, Jeanne


Jeffrey Webb said...

Whether it is hate or love we feel, either for ourselves or for others, it requires a judgement of some kind. The Buddhists would say to take the "middle way," which dismisses either love or hate (and hate is only fear turned inside-outward) and embraces simply what is. It is easy to love what we do not fear and so difficult for us to love what we do fear. Perhaps we wish to please others because of fear and call it love (which is really hate that is called love). Interesting idea. :) It is no mystery to love someone who never changes. Each day one falls in love with themselves all over again; and the same should be for how we love one another, I'd say. But we don't like change; it produces fear (which we conveniently call hate). It's a travesty of words and ideas, and not so much "feelings." To let go of the chains that we refuse to bind us is the hardest thing to do. We let them go with the right hand while the left secretly continues to cling to them. It's a sticky situation. But all any of us can do is keep trying, over and over. The Christ, Buddha, perhaps others released all the chains that binds to this world, and took no small amount of courage (or faith). It is faith in the self to survive releasing what we fear the most. As Rolo May said, "man's greatest fear is freedom." We're onions, peeling away the layers, crying through it all. But what good is an onion if it just sits there and rots?
I love you, Jeanne. I do not fear your changes or your thoughts or even your actions. I trust them, and I trust you. That is the solution, isn't it? Trust.

jeanne leigh said...

Makes sense. Yes, trust. Trustin myself, God, life and those that choose to be a part of my life. Thank you Kristi. Thank you for your trust. I love and trust you as well. Hugs...thanks so much for sharing your heart with me.

HumbleUker said...

Jeanne --

I have returned to a yoga practice with a dear and compassionate friend of mine. Something so special about her is her non-pretentiousness and her ability to voice how clearly we are all different in our practices: physically and mentally. She says we need to GIVE OURSELVES a break from judgement. Just be present where we are, repsecting ourselves, and cherishing the gift we give ourselves of physical movement, attention to the (life force) breath and creating intentions for our practice and our lives. Jeffrey West

jeanne leigh said...

Jeffrey, thanks so much for stopping by. What a wonderful practice your friend has shared with you and now you have shared with me. Beautiful. I will remember this and practice it often. Peace, Jeanne

Syd said...

Jeanne, I would much rather be authentic and be who I am today. I tried for too many years to be what I thought others wanted me to be. So much energy wasted. I actually like who I am (for the most part). But I still have moments of doubt.