Lately I have struggled with “letting go” of situations where I obviously have no control over how someone thinks, feels about or even perceives me or those that I love the most. When there is some kind of upset, I feel a bit of a wound and struggle in wanting to “fix” the situation or make it better in some way. Life’s experience has taught and is teaching me that sometimes its best just to “Let it go.” So what if I’m misunderstood, or disliked or gossiped about or even rejected. I believe God is calling me to stand on my own two feet, be who I truly am…the best that I can be and then trust God that this is enough. It is exhausting living the other way. I know because I did it for many years. These survival skills I learned as the child of an alcoholic...the fixing, rescuing, and becoming a chameleon to please others was all about keeping myself and others safe, accepted and so I thought loved. I know now that often those folks were loving someone else, not the real me that was hiding in fear.
I came up with a saying a few years ago, “I’d rather be hated for who I truly am, then loved for who I truly am not". An acquaintance of mine named Moe told me once, “Moe is not for everyone.” That comment, so simple just shot straight to my heart. So true. “Jeanne is not for everyone.” And that is okay. My strongest desire these days is to live in the moment, to deepen my walk with God, to know myself and be myself and seek to live peace and love in my little corner of the world. This is enough for me.
I want to share this devotion from a book called, RADICAL GRACE: DAILY MEDITATIONS by Richard Rohr. This devotion is titled, THE ‘THIS-NESS’ OF THINGS
I believe with all my heart that creation is already redemption. That’s good Genesis theology, that’s good Franciscan theology. Already in the act of creation, God has named you. Your “you-ness” is written in the core of your being. The Franciscan philosopher Duns Scotus called the “this-ness” (haecceity, in Latin) of things. He said that God only created individuals, not genus species. God created you as you, in your unique “this-ness.”
Spiritual life is a matter of becoming who you truly are. It’s not becoming Catherine of Siena, or some other saint, but who you are. It sounds easy enough, but being who you truly are is work, courage, and faith.
In some ways religious people are the hardest people to work with--they’re so addicted to judgments that they can’t let reality be. Maybe that’s why Jesus said not to judge. We’ve got a lot to learn from creation spirituality, Native American spirituality and Franciscan spirituality, in terms of letting creation, nature, earth--what is--speak to us. We religious people come on with our predetermined conclusions, Bible quotes and dogmas--all so that we don’t have to receive the moment as it is. For some reason it is easier to hold opinions than to just be aware and awakened.
I love this and I strongly feel this call. To Stand and live in each moment truly as myself seeking to deepen my life with God, myself and others. Living in this moment. For this moment is all we truly have. PEACE, Jeanne